Awkward Is Awkward

Honestly, it is. I'm pretty damn certain Damien knows I don't just have a "crush" on him but that I'm completely in love with him. But I bet he'll never feel that way about me. Now I can't decide if I should confront him or avoid him... But he understands me better than everyone else and I just don't think he's such a bad guy. A lot of people thinks that he's a fucked up, condescending jerk but in some ways, so am I. He doesn't question the scars on my wrist and he doesn't judge me as much as he think he does. I feel so reassured when he's just there, even if he's not talking to me. He becomes sad when I get suicidal thoughts and supposedly "happy" when I'm doing something stupid that he finds interesting.
My clairenpathy and precognition only go so far. There's just something about him that feel different from others. I just don't know around him.
His words in the last email he sent me for the day is kind of eerie... "Those who show the most saddness seem to be those who care the most."

OH KUROSHITSUJI, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?

In Psychology, Jones showed us a video with a butler holding a CANDELABRA, NOT A CANDLE. I kept correcting them and they just gave me these “what the fuck is wrong with you” kind of glares. I also pointed out the “chain” on his jacket was the “Albert” which kept the keys in the pocket and some other things like that. Sebastian has corrupted my mind.

Random Poem

I'm addicted to the pain again
I manage to pull away from that demon at times, but I always run back into it's bloody embrace
He always welcomes me back warmly
He whispers sweet, but meaningless nothings in my ear

_{I hear that voice resound wherever I find myself}

Dragging the blade deeper, running along the many-times healed over scars I knew so well
But the crimson disappears into blackness, where I find myself floating
The scars are nothing to the scars of my heart
I'd much rather open old wounds that merely scratch the surface

Because my demon will turn the white to maroon then to black and I will hold him to me until my flesh dissolves into the winds and tides and my bones become nothing more than whispers in the ground
He is such a loving demon, eyes as bloodied yet glorious as any battlefield


No one will take my honey-tongued love from my mangled hands as long as he exists
Because he lives to serve me and I live to feed him
The pain is painless, and nothing has been more tempting or maddening than this

Life So Far...

Things have gotten a bit chaotic recently. Thanks to a certain friend, I have been introduced as "artist extraordinaire" to Mrs. Ahmann. This in turn led to a really embarrassing conversation in front of a particular person *blush* about how I should show my art work to the class. Luckily I didn't have my portfolio today but I'll bring it tomorrow to get the affair over with.
But I've been getting this sinking feeling that Damien's kind of getting sick of me. Maybe I should avoid him for the rest of the week for assurance... But his birthday's on Friday and I plan on giving him the picture I've been working on forever just for him. He still has one of my notebooks and he's keeping for the whole week. I wonder what sort of impression of me he got from what I wrote inside. Well, the worst case situation is Damien getting my real journal or finding my blog...hahaha......

And I'm really considering drawing the idea for a manga I've had for years. The only problem that I have currently is that I think that my plot is a bit overrated and I can't even think of a title that fits! "Paradise" is my best one yet but I think the irony might be to much. If I do end up drawing it, it will most likely be full of not-so-appropriate things like murder, torture, cult rituals, and much more like that. It's an assassin/demon story that is much like a more modern and gory version of Kuroshitsuji. Minus Sebastian of course. That would be cheating and I don't do that with my art!